George Washington

Who the hell does George Washington think he is? I mean, how had was it to be the first president? Everyone would have thought you were doing pretty good, because thee was no one to compare you to. If Bush the second had been the first ever president, everyone would be a little nicer to him. We wouldn't have known he was such a giant screw up, because the awesomeness that was Clinton wouldn't have existed. Lincoln was cool too I guess.

Washington probably got to make up crap as he went along, which only makes his job easier. “Uh, I need a vacation, so uh the vice president is going to take over for a bit.”

“What the hell is a vice president?”

“Oh didn't I tell you? Yeah, uh I have a vice president, to help out.”

“Oh okay. Who is it? Ben Franklin? Einstein? Someone super qualified?”

“Yeah, uh my little brother Chet.”

“Chet Washington?”

“Yeah.”

“Didn't a horse kick him in the head as a kid.” (Incidentally, that's exactly what happened to W.)

“Well yeah, but I mean, this has been pretty easy so far, so I think he can handle it.”

Washington left for a couple weeks, Chet was in charge, and boom Vietnam War I.

Thanks for nothing you wooden toothed, powdered wig wearing bastard.