tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32767120415888782282024-02-07T03:29:28.327-05:00Thundermatts Hooooo!Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-64783066360241845452011-10-10T10:15:00.003-04:002011-10-10T10:16:44.439-04:0010-10-2011<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!</span></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 10.5pt;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS- I think that love has no age limit. Who is right? – SOME FUCKING PEDOPHILE.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 10.5pt;">DEAR SFP- Well, it sounds like you are a pedophile. Also, you are an idiot. You only told me what you thought, and then asked who is right. Well there is no choice there. You don’t say “Hey hon, We can have steak for dinner. Which are you feeling like tonight?” God, pedophiles are stupid. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS- Today, my boyfriend left for <st1:country-region w:st="on">Australia</st1:country-region> from <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">USA</st1:place></st1:country-region> (where we live), in which he will be staying for 160 days. He couldn't get out of the trip. During this time, I will not be able to see him, and I'll rarely get to talk to him. He's the only guy I've ever loved, and I'm the only girl he's ever loved, so his leaving is extremely hard on both of us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white;">The main issue is I feel as if his missing me will ruin his good time, so I was contemplating ending things so he could further enjoy his trip. This way, he'd spend 10-15 days being sad, then he'd get over it, versus 160 days of him missing me. I'm uncertain whether I should break things off, and get back together with him when he returns (if we still feel the same), or if I should stay with him and ruin his trip, but hope things work out when he returns. – WOMEN BE CRAZY<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white;">DEAR WOMEN BE CRAZY- Holy shit, are you crazy. That’s not a question by the way. You are. So you’re in love with a dude and you have to spend a few months apart, and you think you should break up? Golly. I mean, women have the weirdest freaking brains I’ve ever seen. Holy shit lady! How did you even come to this conclusion? No. You should not break up. You should cut off your hair and make a little doll that looks like you and give it to him. Like hide it though. Slip it into his luggage. And then when he gets home, cut off his face and wear it so you’ll never be apart. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white;">Hello, was hoping to get some advice. I met a guy in college when I was 20. We talked a little bit here and there. I like him alot more than just a friend. I can't seem to forget him. even though it has been almost 10 years.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white;">Since then I dropped out of college. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I am convinced I am going to marry him one day and that he is the love of my life. He is now happily married to another girl now.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white;">I emailed him in February 2010. He said he didn't think we should talk because he is married now and doesn't live in this area anymore. What should I do about this situation? should I try to find someone else? I love him though- WOMAN BE EVEN CRAZIER<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white;">DEA WBEC- Well obviously the dude has a thing for you. Read between the lines of his email. You’ll see that he wants you but feels trap. Move to where he lives now, and kill his wife. Make sure you make it seem like an accident! Then he’ll be free to get with you. Seriously though lady, you are insane. YOU NEVER DATED THIS GUY. YOU ARE A PSYCHO! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-69347854440028249822011-10-07T13:15:00.001-04:002011-10-07T13:16:11.513-04:00IT'S A CATSo Chris Pratt (who is awesome on Parks and Rec) gave his (and his wife's, Anna Faris) cat away to someone on twitter. The cat is super old I guess, and poops everywhere, and they are planning on having kids. So he didn't want an old pooping thing hanging out. (that's why I don't invite my mom over much. Zing! Just kidding. love you mom.) Well of course the creepy cat ladies are having a fit that you would just dump some old ass cat to a stranger. Well guess what you freakin' looneys. IT'S A CAT. It's not a big deal. It doesn't give a shit who feeds it. Leave the dude alone. Jeezle petes. Chris rules.<br />
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Anywho, get on facebook and like this page you suckas.<br />
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<a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sunshine-Valley/228113287244064">http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sunshine-Valley/228113287244064</a><br />
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The awesomely talented Adam Hicks and the averagely talented me have teamed up for an awesome comic titled Sunshine Valley. If you're going to NYCC you can buy a preview for issue one. We're going ot get the first issue finished and then shop it around. SO like the page, cause we'll be keeping everything up to date and have some fun contests planned.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-76363982080185843092011-10-03T12:36:00.000-04:002011-10-03T12:36:06.454-04:00Andy on Andy (that's hot.)A special blog today. Any Rooney recently semi retired from 60 minutes. I reached out to him and he graciously agreed to write a special blog post on his career and retirement. So here he is.<br />
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I'm Andy Rooney, and I don't much care for the color blue. Little boy blue isn't a very good fairy tale story, now is it? I'm not going to be doing 60 minutes regularly. I have to eat some special kind of yogurt that keeps me bowel movements regular. Why does bowel look so much like bowl? I don't much care to eat ass. I've heard some folks do, but it's not for me. I didn't always just say things as I thought them on 60 minutes. I used to be a war correspondent. I covered the Civil War at the personal bequest of President Kennedy. There wasn't much Civil about the Civil war, but I like it a lot more than the Civic War. I only buy American cars, cause I'm not a filth communist.<br />
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Really though, blue is what it's called when you're sad. Who would like that color? I think smurfs are creepy. I tried to wear footie pajama bottoms and no shirt once in the sixties. I got pregnant. That was crazy times, though I spent most of the sixties in Canada covering World War II. I'll never forgive those Canadians for Pearl Harbor.<br />
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I guess I do like blue berry pancakes, but they look sot of blackish purple in pancakes don't they? I wouldn't recommend putting icing on pancakes, even though they have cake in the name. It's a little misleading isn't it? There's a bit of wisdom in the word misleading. If you ever let a miss lead, you'll end up lost! Ha! I covered the six day bloody war that broke out when women fought for the right to vote. Speaking of voting, who is Chad? and what exactly was he hung for?<br />
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I had a blue car once, and I swear to God the damn thing would purposefully aim for pedestrians. It had a murderous mind of it's own. Morley Safer is a real son of a bitch. I want everyone to know that. I bet his favorite color is blue.<br />
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Well, that's it, I'll be seeing you. In hell.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-79572145037692261522011-09-28T12:30:00.001-04:002011-09-28T12:30:38.549-04:009-28-2011<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Dear Thundermatts,<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I have a nine-year-old son who has to go to summer school; it was a condition of his promotion into fourth grade. He goes four days a week from nine to noon. He works with two teachers and about twenty other kids. He is balking at continuing at summer school. He does not like the other kids there and is misbehaving in class. I think he just has low self-esteem and it is getting in the way of his learning. Should I take him out and fight to keep him in fourth grade anyhow? – Summer Mom<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEAR SUMMER MOM- Your kid is just stupid. I went to summer school once. (twice) It is awesome. It’s easy as shit, we smoked in between classes in the parking lot (cigarettes, not weed.) ((Some weed.)), and there was a hot chick who wore low cut shirts that hung out with me and the two guys I hung with there. Also, we drew pictures of dinosaurs shooting Abraham Lincoln with laser guns instead of listening, and still passed. So if your idiot son is struggling to get through it; he’s an idiot. Yes, take him out of Summer School, and fight to get a really late stage abortion.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Dear Thundermatts, </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Hello, I'm a 19 year old male and I'm having trouble. This might sound strange but here it goes, three years ago I went on a summer vacation to my hometown and ended up meeting the most amazing, beautiful girl and she gave me the best summer I have ever had. We spent every day for three months together and we fell in love but sadly I had to leave but we promised we would stay in contact and would be together when I moved back. We stayed in contact for over a year but after time we slowly stopped talking. I have asked her if she would like for me to stop trying to contact her even if to just be friends and she has said no but now we only talk once every couple of months and it's hard to even get a response back. I am still in love with this girl. I have had a few relationships since but they have never worked out. This girl is always on my mind and she is the only one I have never been able to get over her no matter how hard I have tried. Look forward to hearing back. – A Virgin.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEAR VIRGIN- Oh my god, you’ve got to be kidding me. You met a girl who give you a handy all summer, and now you’re in love? Puh-lease. And you have not had a few other relationships, because pleasuring yourself to Leia in the slave outfit as soon as you got the new Star Was Blu-Rays is not a relationship. Man up. Move on.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Ok, so I really want to be an actor when I grow up. I'm starting high school in a few days, but they don't offer a lot of acting classes. I want to start taking acting classes after school, but I don't know how to tell my dad about it. He probably doesn't want me doing the performing arts. He probably wants me to do sports. I really dream of being on “Saturday Night Live“ one day. So do you think it's the right time to start acting classes? Or is it too late? If it's the right time, how do I tell my dad I want to start taking acting classes?- Drama Douche<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEA DRAMA DOUCHE- Uh, are you funny? Cause that’s the number one way to get on SNL. And yes, your ad does want you to be in sports. Because he never was. He tried out for the football team and couldn’t cut it, but he did sexually experiment with the semi retarded kid they let get the towels and shit so he feel like pat of the team. So these that.</span></div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-73068196952279470452011-09-26T14:27:00.003-04:002011-09-26T14:28:25.084-04:009-26-2011<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Dear THUNDERMATTS,<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I am getting married next spring to a man with a ten-year-old daughter. Should she be in the wedding as a junior bridesmaid? – SOME CHICK<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">SOME CHICK- Yeah, let her be a bridesmaid. When you guys have a kid together, no one will pay attention to little whats-her-face, so let he be in the wedding.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">Dear THUNDERMATTS,</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My 4-½ year old granddaughter is becoming difficult to discipline. She recently picked up a trinket at a department store. She has begun talking back. She also has hit her teacher at preschool. I need help in determining an approach for her. – SCARED GRANDMA</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">SCARED GRANDMA- Your 4 year old granddaughter steals shit? You should really just try to spend as much time as possible with her because I don’t think they let a lot of visitors into juvie. Seriously, get the girl a temporary neck tattoo, because it’s already too late for her. The authorities will sort it out; and she’ll probably be a totally great fry cook at McDonalds. Or she’ll stab a chick and go to prison, where she’ll stab more chicks. And have sex with them.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">Dear THUNDERMATTS,</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My daughter just turned 6. She is not a bedwetter. The other night she got up and urinated in her closet. She then stripped and went back to bed. Her little sister has had two episodes of talking/screaming in her sleep (her eyes were wide open but she was still asleep!). Her dad and uncle both sleepwalked when they were small. Is this something I should be concerned about? – WORRIED MOM</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"> WORRIED MOM- Uh great, your daughter isn’t a bed wetter. But she pisses in the GD closet. That’s kind of worse. Hey, don’t pee on that sheet and blanket, but go ahead and urinate all over some clothes and shoes and stuff. Although peeing and stripping is going to make her famous on the internet when she’s 18. Also, I think your younger daughter is possessed. So uh, get that checked out. Sounds like Insidious or something. </div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-14376249103073466142011-09-23T13:03:00.000-04:002011-09-23T13:03:34.859-04:009-23-2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS: I frequently host small dinner parties and get-togethers in my home for co-workers and friends. Most guests bring their spouse or a date. "Jane," a young lady with whom I work, has recently been corresponding with an inmate I'll call Al. Al was sentenced to eight years in prison, but will be released in a few weeks. Jane plans to bring him to my next dinner party.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Abby, Jane has dated abusive men in the past. When I asked her what Al was in prison for, she flipped out. She said, "Al has paid his debt to society! You shouldn't ask rude questions." When I gently inquired of Jane if Al had committed a violent crime, she hesitated. Then she said, "Well, sort of," and refused to elaborate.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Don't you agree that I have the right to know whom I am inviting into my home? Am I out of line or overly cautious? -- ALARMED HOST IN <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:state w:st="on">ALABAMA</st1:state></st1:place><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:state w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></st1:state></st1:place></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEAR ALARMED HOST: Al is a weird name for a black dude. But yeah, don’t invite that chick.. You live in <st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Alabama</st1:place></st1:state> so he might steal all of the Precious Moments statues from your trailer. And then beat Jane to death with them. </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background: #F3F2E4; color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; color: white;">Dear Thundermatts,<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; color: white;">My husband wants to go on a dangerous expedition. I am so afraid he will never come home. He has always been an outdoor lover and has taken many trips but this trip will tax him maximally. People have died. He says he wants to go now before we have children. What can I do to stop him? – CAN I CHANGE HIM?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; color: white;">Dear CAN I CHANGE HIM: What the hell is wrong with you? Why is your husband more willing to be eating by an anaconda than spend time with you? Maybe you need to eat his anaconda more often, if you know what I mean.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; color: white;">Dear Thundermatts,<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; color: white;">My wife is prickly and angry most of the time. She takes her anger out on our seven-year-old daughter and me. We have not had a decent conversation in months; all the words between us are either about running the household or words of disagreement. My wife is under a lot of stress at work but I am so tired of her angry tirades I just want to leave. – SAD HUSBAND<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; color: white;">DEAR SAD HUSBAND – How is your vagina doing? Seriously, women are always mean and annoying. It’s the price we have to pay to have sex with them. Man up. And it sucks about your seven year old daughter, but in three years she’ll be just as mean and bitchy as your wife, and you don’t even have sex with her. Unless you live in the south, but then, you probably already are. </span><o:p></o:p><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; color: white;">This should be the last post with this annoying highlight stuff, the page i copied the questions from for the first few was lame or something. Also, if anyone has a question they'd like to ask email me at m.ashcraft@hotmail.com with the subject line DEARTHUNDERMATTS. You'll be kept anonymous</span>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-49259304136428400102011-09-21T08:37:00.001-04:002011-09-21T08:38:26.871-04:009-21-2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">D</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">E</span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">AR THUNDERMATTS: After six years of marriage I am seven months pregnant. I never wanted children and did not expect this to happen. I am determined to be an excellent mother, but it's an intellectual exercise for me. I feel nothing for this baby and I have a hard time imagining our future. I also hate being pregnant.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I can't find any websites for women like me -- they're filled with women cooing over their bellies and fantasizing over their babies-to-be. I mentioned my feelings (or lack thereof) to my husband and he became furious with me. Is there something wrong with me? -- LACKS THE MOTHERING GENE<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEAR LACKS THE MOTHEING GENE: Yes there is. That said, I’m pretty sure there is time left for an abortion. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS: How do you prevent damage in your home from children whose parents will not control them while they're visiting? I keep a box of toys and offer them to the children, but they often prefer to handle my personal objects, many of which are heirloom antiques.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">One visitor allowed her child to jump on my sofa, then offered to replace a shattered ceramic bowl her son had thrown like a Frisbee. "It's not replaceable," I told her. "It belonged to my great-grandmother." Her response was that I should have put anything valuable out of reach.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">It seems even the most polite suggestion to children angers their parents. My parents would never have allowed me to behave disrespectfully in someone's home. Must I show everyone the door because their children behave like animals? -- WHO'S MINDING THE MENAGERIE?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEAR MENAGERIE: Who are you friends with? Octomom? (Remember her?) Seriously, which of your friends has such little bastards for kids they run around and throw your shit all around. The problem isn’t the kids, it’s your friends. And next time some little snot nosed shit breaks something of yours, break his face. Seriously, just knock the shit out of that kid. That’ll teach him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS: I work for a package delivery company and there is a problem that's all too common for people in my line of work.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">Please</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">tell dog owners to confine their dog before opening a door to accept a package.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I have been bitten twice in the past two years by dogs that "don't bite." I have also been scared more times than I can count by dogs that have charged at me. When a customer takes the time to put their dog in another room before coming to the door, I make sure to let him or her know how much I appreciate it. It's difficult to be pleasant and professional when my heart is racing and adrenaline is raging because someone's dog is barking and running at me.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Thanks, Abby, from my fellow delivery drivers and me. -- TWICE BITTEN IN <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">DAYTONA BEACH</st1:city>, <st1:state w:st="on">FLA.</st1:state></st1:place><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:state w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><br />
</span></st1:state></st1:place></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">DEAR TWICE BITTEN (ONCE A GUY): Don’t call me Abby. That’s weird. Anywho, I’m thinking you might be fat. If so, it’s your own fault. Fat people smell constantly like bologna. That’s science fact. Look it up. If you didn’t smell like bologna, dogs wouldn’t want to eat you. What a fat idiot. You think you’d be thin, since you walk all day. I bet you wear crocs.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f3f2e4; color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-24488470254333175882011-09-19T11:16:00.005-04:002011-09-19T11:20:59.305-04:00Ask Thundermatts<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444; color: white;">Hey, I'm trying something new on this blog. I can never think of what to write, so from now on, on Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays; I'll be finding real questions sent in to Dear Abby (or articles like that.) And answering them myself. These are all real answers. I may post other stuff to, if I get inspired, but this will be the new thing for three days a week.</span></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS: My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia more than a year ago. She lives alone and can no longer do anything for herself. She can no longer climb stairs, which means she can't get to her bed, shower or do laundry, and it takes her hours to dress herself. She also needs help getting and remembering to take her medications.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">Because Mom can't drive, she can't get to the store, the bank or anywhere else unless one of her kids takes her. She does nothing all day but watch TV and eat sweets.</span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">When do her kids stop treating her like a toddler and start treating her with dignity? She clearly needs assistance, whether it's a couple of days a week of companionship or an assisted-living center. She doesn't want to go, but when is it time to do what's best for her and stop listening to what she says she wants? Her kids are afraid to make her mad, so this poor woman is withering away in her two-story home -- lonely, smelly, sad and depressed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">I would move her into our home if we had a place for her, but we don't. What can be done for an elderly person who obviously can't take care of herself, but "fakes" it so her kids won't put her "in a home"? -- HEARTBROKEN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444; color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 15.75pt;">DEAR HEARTBROKEN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW: What the hell do you mean you don’t have a place for her? You don’t have a back yard? You must live in an apartment. How about a balcony then? Shit she’s old, she won’t know the difference between outside and inside. She doesn’t even know the difference between a toilet and her pants. Seriously though, tell her you’re taking her to a doctor appointment, make sur</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.75pt;">e you’re in her will on the drive over to the old folks home, and leave her ass there. She’ll forget she </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">didn't</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.75pt;"> even want to go by tomorrow.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=3276712041588878228&postID=2448847025433317588&from=pencil" name="ContinueFeature"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS: I have been with my love for more than five years. Our lives have not been easy, but whose has? God decided to bless us with a little one while we were still too young, but we work hard to provide the best for our blessing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></a></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">Somewhere down the road the romance disappeared. I often wonder if he despises me for getting pregnant or for keeping our son. My love had big plans and still does, but he seems miserable. I know I can't force him to make the effort to change his own life and pursue his dreams.</span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">I miss my friend, the person who wanted to be near me, hold my hand and hold me tight. Despite all my attempts to talk, nothing changes. Is it over? -- ROMANTICIZING ROMANCE IN <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">DALLAS</st1:city></st1:place><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br />
</span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">DEAR RRiD: He doesn’t despise you for getting pregnant; he despises you for never losing the baby weight. Also, he’s banging someone else, probably your sister.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">DEAR THUNDERMATTS: I go to movies occasionally with my niece "Connie" and her two kids. Although the theater has a sign "No Outside Food or Drinks Allowed," Connie sneaks snacks in in her oversized purse, then doles them out after the lights go down. I'm not talking about a couple of candy bars; she brings bags of candy, chips and cans of soda.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">While I agree with my niece that the price of refreshments is outrageous, I also believe it's the theater operators' prerogative to set prices and policy. I suggested Connie skip the snacks during the movie and take the kids out for ice cream afterward, but she said she didn't want to "deprive" them. When I offered to pay, she said it wasn't about the money, it was "the principle, and besides, "everybody else does it."</span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;">I feel my niece is teaching her kids it's OK to break rules you find inconvenient as long as you can get away with it. I enjoy the outings with them so I've dropped the subject for the sake of harmony, but it still bothers me. Connie probably thinks I'm a critical old crank who's out of step with the times. I'd love your opinion. -- PAYING FOR MY POPCORN IN <st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">OREGON</st1:place></st1:state><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place style="background-color: #444444;" w:st="on"><br />
</st1:place></st1:state></span></div><div style="line-height: 15.75pt;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444; color: white;">DEAR WHINY BITCH: Quit being a whiny bitch. Food at the theater is ridiculously priced, as are the tickets. It’s awesome that your rich, or stupid, but you should totally take food in. People who work at movie theaters take their own food in. It’s the American thing to do. Quit being a communist. Here’s a fun fact someone that works at a movie theater told me the popcorn is always days old, that shit isn’t fresh, and you want to pay twelve dollars for a small? Go ahead dipshit, but quit being a nark.</span></span><span style="background-color: #f3f2e4; color: black; text-transform: uppercase;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-27813422496326512172011-07-15T12:30:00.000-04:002011-07-15T12:30:06.364-04:00Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 reviewThis review will be kept spoiler free, though in a day or two I'm going to post some Spoilery thoughts on the flick.<br />
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The movie opens with an accelerated version of the last three or four minutes of part one (Voldemort gaining the Elder Wand.) before the camera weaves it's familair way through the Warner Brothers logo and we get our first look at Hogwarts since Half Blood Prince. Students are marched along by Death Eater teachers in silence while the new Headmaster, Snape looks on. This first scene really sets the tone for the movie. This flick is dark. From the actual look of it to the feel, it's dark, dark dark. <br />
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Harry and his crew (can two people be a crew?) decide to break into the Wizarding bank, Gringotts, convinced that a horcrux is hidden in Bellatrix Lestrange's vault there. It's a pretty exciting scene, with a couple of laughs and at least one sweet death by dragon breath. Then, in less than thirty minutes from the start of the film (I'm guessing, it certainly feels that way) were back at Hogwarts (Or rather, Hogsmede, right outside of the school.) and settling in for the duration. Theres plenty of locations to be seen, from the familiar halls, to a return visit to The Chamber of Secrets, the forbidden forest, and tons more. It's great seeing familiar faces again, many of the students weren't seen in the Part 1, and some teachers haven't been seen for even longer than that. <br />
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The action is fast and furious in this movie, and it's easily the most violent of the Potter flicks. People are burned, Avada Kedavra'd, felled from great heights, bashed by giants, and much more. As frantic (and cool) as the action is, the real stand out is the acting. I've thought the kids have all done a great job since Azkaban on, (and the first two they weren't bad, just kids.) but in installment the preformences are so raw and emotional it's easy to foget none of what's happening is real. Emma Watson gets the scene of the franchise award from me towards the end of the movie, (I'll tell you which part she really impressed me with in my spoiler talk.) and Neville really gets to shine here, character and actor wise. (Matthew Lewis is the actor, of course.)<br />
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This movie though, is really Voldemorts. Maybe I'm biased because I'm a Death Eater. (Really, I have the tattoo to prove it.) but from the moment there's a close up of Voldemorts feet covered in the blood of the people he just killed as he walks amongst their bodies ealy in the film I knew this was going to finally be the showcase for Ralph Finnes and the character he's so masterfully brought to life. I'll go into more detail in the spoiler post a few days, but just make sure you're getting the point I'm trying to make which is Voldy is awesome to the max in this one.<br />
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Snape rocks it as always, and Mcgonagall really gets some great lines and scenes as well. The movie is just perfect, and nothing that's ommited or changed from the source material bothes me. See this movie as soon as you can!<br />
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Thundermatts score- A+Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-67799319998196643492011-06-27T08:54:00.000-04:002011-06-27T08:54:22.051-04:00So limited commercials means...More commercials than normal?<br />
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I'm slowly making my way though the first episode (it's two hours) of Falling Skies on TNT (or something, lol.) and thee were about forty three commercials for the show before it started. Then they did a countdown from 60 seconds with yet more clips of the show you were about to watch. Then a car came on screen and they said the car company made it possible to show this with limited commercials. Then the show finally started. Then there was commercials. But it took about fifteen minutes before they showed them, so awesome. Then eight minutes later there were more commercials. Wait a minute... Then the show was back, and then in less than ten minutes again, another commercial break! Dear TNT, stop with you lies.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-56130806693648893442011-06-21T09:10:00.000-04:002011-06-21T09:10:57.763-04:00Some More Random CrapDear people who made the upcoming film Bad Teacher, Cameron Diaz is ugly. She was hot in The Mask, like a million years ago, then proceeded to get angular and bony. Seriously no part of her body curves. It's all triangles. She looks like Starscream from the Transformer flicks. <br />
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On a related note, Starscream or Star Scream? I'm not sure, and I don't care.<br />
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On another related note, Scream 4 comes out on DVD and Blu Ray in October. I think the fourth. Please buy it you jerks, so I can have a Scream 5.<br />
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How are the Reds still only two (and a half?) games back when it seems like they've lost 90 out of the last 92 games.<br />
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Gabe got me a Green Lantern toy and Sherlock Holmes on Blu Ray for fathers day. As he hugged me later he whispered- "Daddy, I think we should both be able to play with the Green Lantern toy." Like father like son. I buy him stuff for presents because I want to play with it too. <br />
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Man, my place of work is really becoming ridiculous. We'll call it Peedway, cause they're basically pissing all over customers. (Who probably deserve it.) Seriously, I think the new Peedway logo is Way Less For Way More. You used to get 1000 bonus points for putting 50 bucks on a gift card. Now you have to put 100 bucks to get any points. For 100 bucks you get 1500 points. So you have to spend 50 more bucks to get 500 points less than 100 would have gotten you before. This is just the latest change in a string of shitty moves.<br />
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Cars 2 comes out soon, Gabe is pretty damn excited. lol.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-43402826729531907872011-06-17T09:10:00.000-04:002011-06-17T09:10:00.857-04:00My own rage comicHere's my contribution ot the world of Rage comics:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmT3KsIHHGDSu4VJJzw02k4Pnxo57biAP1oWxJBpb77LpRpdYrVDWFxzy4cZSHyr7gCliAD4eZR1Nsjx3OE0u3HuvuTuD_xHrhdNDWK17KaWpu3hs0uVkpJQFlWEEwAF6HWj83Vs8Ydvw/s1600/Mr+Gasface.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" i$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmT3KsIHHGDSu4VJJzw02k4Pnxo57biAP1oWxJBpb77LpRpdYrVDWFxzy4cZSHyr7gCliAD4eZR1Nsjx3OE0u3HuvuTuD_xHrhdNDWK17KaWpu3hs0uVkpJQFlWEEwAF6HWj83Vs8Ydvw/s320/Mr+Gasface.png" width="288" /></a></div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-46801769881760303332011-06-15T09:14:00.000-04:002011-06-15T09:14:22.048-04:00Rage comics are all the... uh rageI've been addicted to these things for the last couple of weeks. Here are some of my favorites.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgBIZtkMosTHE8IExm6GBXtcg0Ys6Gk6BlLdu4uqXOPv69v2WRaZrCBhSXE9cAiqQ4IIdqI7bbUQyIfBuDb8VhEPXBbHWAEjCqUd2DmvnCdDVi4IFYaVV0H2rV_sFBN_QNw_n1rAIrqyA/s1600/cccc.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgBIZtkMosTHE8IExm6GBXtcg0Ys6Gk6BlLdu4uqXOPv69v2WRaZrCBhSXE9cAiqQ4IIdqI7bbUQyIfBuDb8VhEPXBbHWAEjCqUd2DmvnCdDVi4IFYaVV0H2rV_sFBN_QNw_n1rAIrqyA/s320/cccc.bmp" t8="true" width="241" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4IZ8-0m5JkvuzBZzNDMsMqr4APpydz2v4ljZR16_yrW9wiS-nX3hsdm0p2ByvyLnYNxw5tRbfKOxaWQS_5L1OOqtL1v2Ib-onQof3kBeoASmbBpCY7CIkj5cdME7Xz6mi9MCzc5wBGak/s1600/memes-almost-perfect.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4IZ8-0m5JkvuzBZzNDMsMqr4APpydz2v4ljZR16_yrW9wiS-nX3hsdm0p2ByvyLnYNxw5tRbfKOxaWQS_5L1OOqtL1v2Ib-onQof3kBeoASmbBpCY7CIkj5cdME7Xz6mi9MCzc5wBGak/s320/memes-almost-perfect.jpg" t8="true" width="170" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp2DuuLZ8mBzDUfYdMxAygAFWQKH_xt-UXlhgCHjN2h4eHOiRx_OKyfjcQNRtx7eNYtQjJW7ulvhbUPuZR8fXYAkh8LQW0z7mEeAfVbBILB4Ain3XaHnOBaO8I9NOcgOrWG2mwhHRNyF4/s1600/memes-having-a-ball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp2DuuLZ8mBzDUfYdMxAygAFWQKH_xt-UXlhgCHjN2h4eHOiRx_OKyfjcQNRtx7eNYtQjJW7ulvhbUPuZR8fXYAkh8LQW0z7mEeAfVbBILB4Ain3XaHnOBaO8I9NOcgOrWG2mwhHRNyF4/s320/memes-having-a-ball.jpg" t8="true" width="288" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyU1wzBsaUXUwLDyBsE4CNim26XZ3djXn1AwxYAN7_e1eoSY_3QHZwOZ9d7fsh67kug6GwvE8rCr-hY_QhkBxWP8WZia8pxWgN6Con5_g5kS32n8bm_B4jHUx8trfy9bhkAWXdV6TEzHs/s1600/rage-comics-elementary-school-hierarchy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyU1wzBsaUXUwLDyBsE4CNim26XZ3djXn1AwxYAN7_e1eoSY_3QHZwOZ9d7fsh67kug6GwvE8rCr-hY_QhkBxWP8WZia8pxWgN6Con5_g5kS32n8bm_B4jHUx8trfy9bhkAWXdV6TEzHs/s320/rage-comics-elementary-school-hierarchy.jpg" t8="true" width="284" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZBi5KrzZ5-naeIdfFbtIuRNOygFgws_qjayJWuaOViLQQuQzg7hV9D8mZ8i-SLlDvD4p_3Ke8Ewa-EafrUgWnfLVvdlME-rQ8ObuikV0TS03QpNTIHw7B1p952WpWVN6ofFEOY8sg1Jw/s1600/rage-comics-oh-granpa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZBi5KrzZ5-naeIdfFbtIuRNOygFgws_qjayJWuaOViLQQuQzg7hV9D8mZ8i-SLlDvD4p_3Ke8Ewa-EafrUgWnfLVvdlME-rQ8ObuikV0TS03QpNTIHw7B1p952WpWVN6ofFEOY8sg1Jw/s320/rage-comics-oh-granpa.jpg" t8="true" width="208" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2YiTJnlJg4hcYQXOjMXHKYZAa1pQCzHA12SbVJy9HtV-ALvvQmr2X-JRT_kR6VOh0VtxuaNf3A2eATU-qCl5AKxpa5MuKRaMn4QqEhKGY6aUCVx4Vdj33nA0WAMJL_ANEvazmmGl9GMg/s1600/rage-comics-studying-over-the-weekend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2YiTJnlJg4hcYQXOjMXHKYZAa1pQCzHA12SbVJy9HtV-ALvvQmr2X-JRT_kR6VOh0VtxuaNf3A2eATU-qCl5AKxpa5MuKRaMn4QqEhKGY6aUCVx4Vdj33nA0WAMJL_ANEvazmmGl9GMg/s320/rage-comics-studying-over-the-weekend.jpg" t8="true" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG8BODwEOIaQaz86kAGyjdcPibdZ7lp1MUytykAtmv0d0nfb3rc4mbIItDy8tP-DoZxR8afI2SmjrxLA6GILg2BTWZifT0PyrmVx5wi42qbXkCBUsoGm0-RzbrlosBp2Nng1E8AP0EEgA/s1600/tumblr_lla4mnk5ee1qzma4ho1_500.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG8BODwEOIaQaz86kAGyjdcPibdZ7lp1MUytykAtmv0d0nfb3rc4mbIItDy8tP-DoZxR8afI2SmjrxLA6GILg2BTWZifT0PyrmVx5wi42qbXkCBUsoGm0-RzbrlosBp2Nng1E8AP0EEgA/s320/tumblr_lla4mnk5ee1qzma4ho1_500.png" t8="true" width="288" /></a></div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-7880087569447739622011-06-13T10:21:00.000-04:002011-06-13T10:21:38.128-04:00I'm worried by how stupid people areSO at work we have a freezy drink machine. Like you know, slurpee type stuff. Well, it's completely broken. So to let customers know that it's broken, there is a sign hanging on each spout saying 'PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER DRINK'. Also of course, the machine is off, the stuff isn't frozen or spinning in the little viewport. Guess how many idiots who want a freezy drink ask if the machine is broken after seeing the signs and lack of frozen product in the view port. ALMOST EVERY DAMN ONE OF THEM. Somehow, they are unable to put the clues together, mainly the signs saying none of them are working, and are still forced to ask me if the machine is working or not. Never mind the people who still grab a cup and go to pour some completely unfrozen juice like substance until I decide to call over and tell them it's broken. Also thee was a lady with two little bratty kids who literally stated crying when they came in. Crying, because a drink machine is broken. So the lady comes to the counter and says; "Is that machine really broken?"<br />
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"Yes" I reply, instead of punching her in the face, which was my first thought.<br />
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"Can you go fix it?"<br />
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"Bitch, if I (or anyone else who worked here.) could fix it, IT WOULD BE FIXED."<br />
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That's what I really told her, minus calling her a bitch. But my eyes said bitch, and I think she could see that.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-74285374906547165042011-06-08T10:59:00.000-04:002011-06-08T10:59:53.803-04:00One Person I'd Like To PunchThat dude from Mythbusters. The one who wears a berret. I don't even know how to spell that and I efuse to find out.<br />
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USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-41392025154671347722011-06-06T13:42:00.002-04:002011-06-06T13:42:49.137-04:00Completely True History<div>During the cave man days, said cavemen used the tops of animal skulls as dinnerware. They were very proud of this evolutionary step forward, and often hosted fancy dinner parties, where they served their friends (And some enemies! Keep em closer, they say! Ha!) mammoth finger sandwhiches on sparkling 9Well, nice and gray) plates. However, when one was attacked by an animal (As was often the case back then) while eating (Also, often) one had to drop their plates as they ran, or even if they didn't, the food will fall off (A bowl would maybe have helped with this, but don't be daft, bowls weren't invented until 1956 by Edward P Bowl.) One caveman, tired of losing his evening meals (then called Breakfast. I know, crazy, right?) began using a sharp saber tooth cat rib bone to skewer his food. Then when attacked, he could run WITH his food, enjoying it as he hid in bushes. Once the food was eaten, he could even use the rib as a weapon. (Oh how Saber Tooth cats HATED being pierced by the bone of a fallen comrad. Much like Nazis. That's why the Saber Tooth Cat is known as the Nazi of the caveman days) The caveman who invented this was named Bob, and he traveled around showing others of his invention. He would pester them until they would buy one, while they muttered "Okay, Bob."<br />
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Of course, the letter O was lost to man for years (1687-1775) so Okay Bob became Kay Bob, which then was in a terrible accident and was amputated to just contain Kabob.</div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-52269179318543543222011-06-03T11:06:00.000-04:002011-06-03T11:06:38.614-04:00ColumbineColumbine<br />
Dave Cullens<br />
2009<br />
<br />
I picked up this book on the bargain rack at Barnes and Noble for five bucks. I would have paid twenty. This book is fantastic. I haven't read Helter Skelter (The book that delves into Charles Manson's psyche) but the back flap of Columbine compares the two, and I'm guessing that's a comparison that hits right on the nose. Columbine is chilling. Columbine is often tough to read. It's gripping, and you'll stay up late, wanting to read 'just one more chapter'.<br />
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First off, if you haven't ever done your own research into the massacre, especially recently, everything you probabaly think about what happened is wrong. The two killers weren't no friend losers, they weren't in the Trenchcoat Mafia (A real club of sots at their school.) There wasn't a girl named Cassie who confessed her belief in God only to be shot in the head and killed. The revelations come early and often, and I found myself eager to learn the truth. The mismanagement of the local police force of the case in the years beyond the shootings (and even a year or two before. Columbine could have been prevented.) will make you almost as sick as the killings themselves. Some people come off extremely bad in this book, beyond Eric and Dylan. In fact, if you feel a twinge of pity for Dylan, I wouldn't be surprised. Eric was a mad man, a casebook psychopath with no remorse. Dylan it turns out was never fully behind the idea until the very end, thinking of NBK (the name the killers gave their massacre, short hand for Natural Born Killers) as nothing more than a fantasy. A deranged fantasy that offered a little solace to a manic depressive boy determined to kill himself before April 19th. (April 19th was the day they planned to carry out NBK. It happened a day later, due to ammo shortages).<br />
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Dave Cullen is a journalist who has followed the case since the very beginning, and is considered the leading expert on the matter. He's read the journals, seen the tapes, interviewed the survivors, and presents what I imagine to be the absolute closest thing to the truth one could ever get about Columbine without being able to go back in time and read the killers minds. The book hops about in time, getting to the massacre petty early, then filling in back story, from a year or two before, to the decade after. You meet some of those killed, and some of those inured. You see the rage that develops one boys father and how it effects him ten years later. You watch as a boy thought to be so broken as to never walk again fight to do just that. It's a year long battle to get by without a wheelchair, crutches, even a cane. <br />
<br />
This book is fantastic. I'm guessing a lot of people were like me, and honestly haven't thought about Columbine in a long, long time. Maybe it's time to think about it, one last time, with the help of this book. <br />
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Columbine - A+Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-33663472917168629432011-06-02T18:25:00.000-04:002011-06-02T18:25:17.436-04:00BridesmaidsI saw Bridesmaids a few days ago, and meant to write a little mini review. So here it is:<br />
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It's hilarious. Go see it.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-35176190612687509632011-06-01T09:44:00.000-04:002011-06-01T09:44:43.221-04:00Working For GoogleI saw a segment on Sixty Minutes a few years ago, where they went to Google's headquarters in Awesomeville California. Everyone was zooming around on Segways, there were multiple volleyball courts, free day care, free lunch (and it was awesome lunch, steak, lobster, I think you could eat a small North Korean child if you wanted to.) It was the coolest place in the world. <br />
<br />
Well FU*K YOU GOOGLE. <br />
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First off, what do so many people even do, working at Google? I'm not that computer savvy, and maybe up keeping Google is harder than I think, but then I'm guessing you wouldn't have time for pick up games of Volleyball. I mean, isn't Google just an automated system? How much maintenance does it really need? It seems to me two nerds could run Google in their parents basement. <br />
<br />
I don't even get a free 95 cent pop at work. I don't even get any sort of discount, and you get a free Segway and a personal chef at Google? *Fart sound*Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-39300021065538565432011-05-27T09:03:00.000-04:002011-05-27T09:03:16.476-04:00ButtPlaying baseball. Nothing else. <br />
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<br />
<br />
That's what Gabe told me to write on my blog today. We're playing baseball.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-15052949955805932102011-05-26T10:36:00.000-04:002011-05-26T10:36:37.949-04:00Really Reds?Man, what a craphole showing by the Reds last night. First off we need to talk about Ochocinco, I mean Brandon Phillips. Seriously, pay attention. He got picked off at second for screwing around, and he would have been walked in if he hadn;t, which would have kept the game from going to 19 innings. But now, he's so damn concerned with seeming fun and cool and getting on TV extra he got thrown out. He annoys me sometimes.<br />
<br />
And then, in the top of the 19th the Phillies had to put in a non pitcher to pitch! Yes! This is just what we needed! Oh my god, he's throwing like crap! Oh my god, Votto swung at ball 2 (which would have led to a walk.) OH no, Votto popped out. OKay, well no big deal, cause dude just hit Rolen. But then two moe pop outs. The dude was throwing to the left of the catcher by three feet most pitches. And lobbing them in when they were strikes. And we couldn't get a hit? Needless to say we lost. That has got to be the most embarassing game for the Reds all season.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-1112727553645606152011-05-25T10:23:00.000-04:002011-05-25T10:23:17.553-04:00Time Warner SucksI've waited for Time Warner to come and do something at a house I was living at probabaly at least eight or nine times. Hooking up cable, internet, fixing cable etc. The people are always nice and professional. The problem is, well the problems. Not once has the guy come in and hooked up whatever, and gotten it right on the first time. It's always "I gotta call someone" or "This light shouldn't be blinking." Blah blah blah. Either Time Warner doesn't train anyone in anything, or their products suck. And let me assure you, it's that their products suck. If dishes didn't suck a hundred times worse, I'd get one.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-11697736955545892042011-05-18T12:00:00.000-04:002011-05-18T12:00:50.285-04:00FinallyKristi and I are finally sucking it up and getting our own internet, since our neighbors are really being jerks and not unlocking theirs. Since it's a pain to sit in a certain spot, this'll be my last post until Time Waner gets out here and hooks our up. See you there.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-26835956080250666642011-05-17T10:35:00.001-04:002011-05-17T10:35:07.037-04:00Scream 4 Review Reboot<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I'm embarrassed to say that the first time I saw Scream 4 I didn't 'get it'. I enjoyed it, but I didn't see beneath the surface of the film. I didn't get how far the film went with the reboot/remake theme. Every character from the first flick has a representative in this flick. Jill is Sid, Hicks is Dewey, Kirby is Randy, etc. It's really genius. And then the film takes these familiar Scream archetypes and flips them on their heads. The second viewing of Scream 4 really cemented this one as my favorite of the sequels, and I wonder how many other people would benefit from seeing it a second time. As much as I loved it the first time, the second time was one hundred percent more enjoyable. Everything I loved about it the first time stands true. The opener is awesome, the killer/killers and his/her/their motive is fantastic. My one complaint stands true. A horrible out of place line ruins the best death in the film (and possibly the series.) The new cast is great, and their dialogue is just as rapid fie and witty as you've come to expect. (From the good Screams at least. So no wooden crap-tastic Scream 3 non sense ) Seriously, if you haven't seen Scream 4 go see it, or hell the DVD will be out shortly, it's already in cheap theaters. If you have seen it, see it again. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">A by the way here, I don't think my earlier theory was right. I thought that Kevin had been forced to change what I have discussed here before as a spoiler. It didn't turn out that way in the flick, but I thought that I had still been right, and Kevin had been made to change it and that's why he left the project. I no longer feel that way. Instead I think why Kevin left is they forced him to change the ending. I think Kevin's original script had it ending after Kirby's house. Where it fades to white. </div>Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276712041588878228.post-90263852724544946772011-05-16T09:18:00.000-04:002011-05-16T09:18:21.718-04:00Sweep!We took Gabe to the Red's game last night, we specifically picked last night to get tickets because they were going to have a kids run the bases thing after the game, which they cancelled. Because it was Rainy. Bleh. The game was awesome though and we killed the Cads (well until we put Chapman in who walked the bases loaded, then walked in a run. All together they scored five runs in the top of the ninth.) There was a Cardinal fan a few rows behind us, being totally obnoxious the whole game. Cheering for a team is one thing, having your parents not love you as a child and cave attention so badly you choose to annoy people for it is another. Well when we finally managed to get in the win in the end, I turned and looked right into his eyes, yelling SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! I wasn't the only person in the area to do this, and his walk up the stairs was pretty miserable, with everyone who had been annoyed all game getting in his face. Keep in mind I was sitting right next to to St. Louis fans, who managed to cheer for their team (the few times their team did anything to cheer about) and not get the whole section to dislike them.Matt Ashcrafthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04069056042486774384noreply@blogger.com0