Wednesday, March 16, 2011


A bunch of homeless cats hang out by the dumpsters in the parking lot at work. They're not really annoying, but the ten or so people who feed them every freaking day are. Hey dipshits, if you want pets, take em home. I had a lady leave a giant cardboard box with a door cut into out there once for them to live in. Hell no, I threw that crap away. I throw the food they leave laying around away. Seriously, quit leaving trash in the side yard of a gas station. It's littering. Spoiler alert, these cats eat better than most household pets.

The other day at work a woman came in and asked if the cat guy had been there.

“The who?”

“The cat guy, he feeds the cats every night.”

“Lady, a million people fee those cats. We'd rather not have them there.” I replied. “I'm going to start punting them across the street to Burger King.”

“You're what?”

“I'm going to kick them across the street.” I said. With a smile, so she knew I was kidding. I was really planning on kicking them into the street.

“I don't find that funny. I love cats, and we're trying to take them to a shelter.” I should have known, I hadn't noticed her sweat shirt. It was pink. And covered in felt paw prints.

“What's stopping you?” I asked.

“We're letting them get know us.”

“Well stop. You people have been saying you're going to take them to a shelter since I stated working here. Instead you leave garbage I have to pick up. They don't need to know you. Pick em up, put em in your car and take them. You aren't trying to take them anywhere, you want to leave them here and feel like you're doing something to help. Except they're cats. Seriously, if people spent half the energy helping the homeless that you do on a bunch of mangy cats, the world would be a better place.”

The lady left. With her retreat, came my victory.

Creepy cat people – 0

Matt - 1

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