Monday, October 3, 2011

Andy on Andy (that's hot.)

A special blog today. Any Rooney recently semi retired from 60 minutes. I reached out to him and he graciously agreed to write a special blog post on his career and retirement. So here he is.

I'm Andy Rooney, and I don't much care for the color blue. Little boy blue isn't a very good fairy tale story, now is it? I'm not going to be doing 60 minutes regularly. I have to eat some special kind of yogurt that keeps me bowel movements regular. Why does bowel look so much like bowl? I don't much care to eat ass. I've heard some folks do, but it's not for me. I didn't always just say things as I thought them on 60 minutes. I used to be a war correspondent. I covered the Civil War at the personal bequest of President Kennedy. There wasn't much Civil about the Civil war, but I like it a lot more than the Civic War. I only buy American cars, cause I'm not a filth communist.

Really though, blue is what it's called when you're sad. Who would like that color? I think smurfs are creepy. I tried to wear footie pajama bottoms and no shirt once in the sixties. I got pregnant. That was crazy times, though I spent most of the sixties in Canada covering World War II. I'll never forgive those Canadians for Pearl Harbor.

I guess I do like blue berry pancakes, but they look sot of blackish purple in pancakes don't they? I wouldn't recommend putting icing on pancakes, even though they have cake in the name. It's a little misleading isn't it? There's a bit of wisdom in the word misleading. If you ever let a miss lead, you'll end up lost! Ha! I covered the six day bloody war that broke out when women fought for the right to vote. Speaking of voting, who is Chad? and what exactly was he hung for?

I had a blue car once, and I swear to God the damn thing would purposefully aim for pedestrians. It had a murderous mind of it's own. Morley Safer is a real son of a bitch. I want everyone to know that. I bet his favorite color is blue.

Well, that's it, I'll be seeing you. In hell.

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