Monday, September 19, 2011

Ask Thundermatts

Hey, I'm trying something new on this blog. I can never think of what to write, so from now on, on Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays; I'll be finding real questions sent in to Dear Abby (or articles like that.) And answering them myself. These are all real answers. I may post other stuff to, if I get inspired, but this will be the new thing for three days a week.

DEAR THUNDERMATTS: My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia more than a year ago. She lives alone and can no longer do anything for herself. She can no longer climb stairs, which means she can't get to her bed, shower or do laundry, and it takes her hours to dress herself. She also needs help getting and remembering to take her medications.
Because Mom can't drive, she can't get to the store, the bank or anywhere else unless one of her kids takes her. She does nothing all day but watch TV and eat sweets.
When do her kids stop treating her like a toddler and start treating her with dignity? She clearly needs assistance, whether it's a couple of days a week of companionship or an assisted-living center. She doesn't want to go, but when is it time to do what's best for her and stop listening to what she says she wants? Her kids are afraid to make her mad, so this poor woman is withering away in her two-story home -- lonely, smelly, sad and depressed.
I would move her into our home if we had a place for her, but we don't. What can be done for an elderly person who obviously can't take care of herself, but "fakes" it so her kids won't put her "in a home"? -- HEARTBROKEN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR HEARTBROKEN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW: What the hell do you mean you don’t have a place for her? You don’t have a back yard? You must live in an apartment. How about a balcony then? Shit she’s old, she won’t know the difference between outside and inside. She doesn’t even know the difference between a toilet and her pants. Seriously though, tell her you’re taking her to a doctor appointment, make sure you’re in her will on the drive over to the old folks home, and leave her ass there. She’ll forget she didn't even want to go by tomorrow.

Somewhere down the road the romance disappeared. I often wonder if he despises me for getting pregnant or for keeping our son. My love had big plans and still does, but he seems miserable. I know I can't force him to make the effort to change his own life and pursue his dreams.
I miss my friend, the person who wanted to be near me, hold my hand and hold me tight. Despite all my attempts to talk, nothing changes. Is it over? -- ROMANTICIZING ROMANCE IN DALLAS

DEAR RRiD: He doesn’t despise you for getting pregnant; he despises you for never losing the baby weight. Also, he’s banging someone else, probably your sister.

DEAR THUNDERMATTS: I go to movies occasionally with my niece "Connie" and her two kids. Although the theater has a sign "No Outside Food or Drinks Allowed," Connie sneaks snacks in in her oversized purse, then doles them out after the lights go down. I'm not talking about a couple of candy bars; she brings bags of candy, chips and cans of soda.
While I agree with my niece that the price of refreshments is outrageous, I also believe it's the theater operators' prerogative to set prices and policy. I suggested Connie skip the snacks during the movie and take the kids out for ice cream afterward, but she said she didn't want to "deprive" them. When I offered to pay, she said it wasn't about the money, it was "the principle, and besides, "everybody else does it."
I feel my niece is teaching her kids it's OK to break rules you find inconvenient as long as you can get away with it. I enjoy the outings with them so I've dropped the subject for the sake of harmony, but it still bothers me. Connie probably thinks I'm a critical old crank who's out of step with the times. I'd love your opinion. -- PAYING FOR MY POPCORN IN OREGON

DEAR WHINY BITCH: Quit being a whiny bitch. Food at the theater is ridiculously priced, as are the tickets. It’s awesome that your rich, or stupid, but you should totally take food in. People who work at movie theaters take their own food in. It’s the American thing to do. Quit being a communist. Here’s a fun fact someone that works at a movie theater told me the popcorn is always days old, that shit isn’t fresh, and you want to pay twelve dollars for a small? Go ahead dipshit, but quit being a nark.

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