Vacation

If you're wondering where my blogs have been, I decided to take a week off. So uh, does that answer your question?

No, we'll just keep your money

I worked thid shift last night, and a guy came in and asked if we cashed in lottery tickets. Sure, I replied, but when I scanned it the little warning popped up and told me it was worth a lot of money. Just shy of 300 bucks. Well, we don't cash in tickets over 100 there, so I handed it back to him and told him sorry.

"But you scanned it." He said.

"Yeah, but we can't do it."

"So I just lose that money?"

Yes you moron, I scanned it all the way through, but we're not going to pay you the cash, I'm going to use it for rent money instead. Or Speedway will just keep it. I explained to him that tickets over a certain amount bring up warnings, and we have to push a cancel or accept button, and if I had accepted it, a little slip of paper would have printed out. He still didn't get it.

"So this isn't good anymore?" he asked.

I punched him in the face.

Not really, but I thought about it. I wish stupid people would move out of America. I wouldn't have to deal with them at work, and Nascar wouldn't be on TV anymore. So that's a win win.

Historic Facebook

I like to think how history would have been different if computers and the Internet had always existed. Would it be different? I can picture JFK sitting in the back of the car, using his iPhone to tweet: 'It's hot as hell in Texas, I hope they put this top down.'

How about Anne Frank sitting up in the corner of the attic, trying to get the neighbors wifi with her lap top, managing to jump on facebook and posting:

Anne Frank - Those idiots are downstairs again, LOL they never think to look up here.

Then below that, her friend jumps on and posts: Hey Anne, you know you have an open account right? Anyone can read that post.

And right below that one of those little thumb ups- HItler likes this.

Why are you here?

We took Gabe to the Reds game last night, and had a good time, even though The Reds pitching sucked for the most part, and no body could figure out how bats are supposed to work. Obviously, Chapman throwing 106 was awesome to see in person. The weird thing to me though, are some of the people who go. Two couples were right behind us, and one dude was super nice and gave Gabe a little pack of crackers, but his wife literally would not shut up. Just story after story after story, even as the others were attempting to pay attention to the game. She literally used her cell to google the line up of some music festival and proceeded to read off the entire forty plus bands and singers expected to be there. If you just want to catch up with people and chit chat, you can do so without spending any money, or going to something that you pay attention to. The best though was the woman there reading a book. READING A BOOK! She may have been late teens I think, and there with her dad. If you don't want to go, SAY SO! It's more insulting to whoever forced you there to look over and see you nose buried in a book.

Speedy Cards

To people who ask “Did you get it?” when I'm scanning your Speedy Card at work.

YES I FREAKING GOT IT. I PUT THE SCANNER DOWN BECAUSE I SCANNED YOUR CARD! NOT BECAUSE I GOT TIRED OR GAVE UP.

Scream 4 review. NO SPOILERS

Each opening in a Scream movie is almost like a mini film itself. The first one is iconic, killing off the biggest named actor in the flick in the first ten minutes. (In fact, Drew had been cast as Sidney originally.) The second Screams' beginning is my personal favorite, featuring a murder right there in a movie theater, packed with raving fans, many of whom are dressed as Ghostface. The opening scene in the third movie is much like the rest of the third movie. Weakest of the three, but not quite terrible. Scream 4's open is easily the most fun, and most complex of the series, and I won't spoil it for you. It's funny and brutal, and it's a great way for Mr. Ghostface to return.

The rest of the movie fares just as well, with a couple jump out of your seat moments, and way moe than a couple good laughs. The dialogue it witty and sharp, much like the first two were, with none of the clunky and tired horror cliched dialogue that was found in the third one. Kevin Williamson wrote the first two, and the outline of the third. He gets sole writing credit here, but it's no secret he had some sot of falling out with one of the Weinsteins and dropped out/was pushed out of the project partway into shooting, leaving the guy who butchered Scream 3 to return on some rewrites. Whatever happened, the final product doesn't seem to suffer in any way.

Seeing the Big Three back was awesome, even though looking at the cosmetic surgery ravaged Courtney Cox is kind of a bummer. Dewey gets a few choice Dewey moments, squinting his eyes and flashing that goofy smile. Sid is Sid, and seems to simply choose to take on any danger that comes across her path, maybe feeling a bit more bold and confident after three rounds of psychos trying to kill her, and besting each and every one.

The new cast is fantastic, and everyone will surely find a favorite. The kids (and a few cops and the such) are fleshed out I found myself genuinely bummed out when someone would kick the bucket. The third act is great and filled with carnage, and the motive of the killer/killers is believable and better than some of the motives of past Ghostfacers. The film feels sort of like the first and only direct sequel to Scream, owing a lot to the tone of the first movie, and for the fact that it's set in Woodsborro. The younger folk in the town are way into the Stab movies (The movies within the movies, the first thee based on the events of first three Scream movies.), and feel a perverse excitement to live where it all started.

I only have two complaints. A one liner that hits, but is sputtered by someone seconds away from dying. (Really, you're not going to be funny as your literally keeling over.) My second complaint is that it felt a little too short, especially the climax, thought that could just be me wishing for more since I'm a die hard Scream lover.

In the end, Scream 4 is a worthy sequel, a great addition to the franchise, and might end up being my second favorite film in the series.

Thundermatts Grade: A

And for those interested, my grade on the first three:

Scream- A+

Scream 2- A -

Scream 3- C+

Happy Scream 4 day!

Go see it! I saw it at midnight and loved it. Way better than the third one, and I liked it moe than the second one even. I'll probabaly have some sot of review later or something.

Redlegs

Rooting for teams in Cincinnati in the last twenty or so yeas has been sort of like being with someone who beats you. You make excuses, you're ashamed, but you stick with them. Well the Reds aren't like that anymore. They've quit drinking, gone to therapy, and aren't hitting you in the stomach every night. I couldn't be more proud and excited to be a Reds fan. They're off to a great start, and I'm sure they'll continue it on into the post season. Thanks for giving Cincy residents their pride back guys.

Please check this out.

http://www.cradle.org/waitingfamilies/amyandpeter/home.html

The story Gabe just told me

Once upon a time, a strawberry. The end.

Scream 4 theory

So holy crap, Scream 4 comes out this week. Some of you may know that Scream is easily my favorite horror movie (and series) and the first flick is in my top five movies. In fact, it's the movie I credit with making me want to make films. Kevin Williamson wrote it as a big love letter to the horror films he loved growing up, and it made me realized that I loved film and also wanted to make it.

Anywho, one of the commercials for Scream 4 that's in heavy rotation speaks of some big twist or something at the end. Something that you won't see coming. They can't just be referencing the killers identity, that's a staple of the series. So I got to thinking. And almost immediately the following popped into my head. 9I'll drop a few lines in case I'm right and you'd like to stay away from spoilers. Keep in mind that I myself have staid away from any and all spoilers for this flick, and besides some character names, I know nothing about this movie, I haven't seen this theory anywhere else on the net, but I haven't been looking either.)

(also, spoilers on the first film too)

I think the new main character Jill is Sidney and Billy's daughter from the one time they had sex, in the first film. Scream was 15 years ago, and I'm guessing that's about how old these new kids are supposed to be. Sid was in high school in the first flick, and the second one takes place two years after (despite being released one year after). Sid may have gotten pregnant, not returned to school for some time (citing the trauma of having he boyfriend try to kill her (she may have home schooled or something for the remained of her Junior Year. I think she's a freshman in college in Scream 2) had the baby and given it up to her aunt for adoption. Now her child is a teen herself, and new murders are happening. If I'm right about this, I think Jill (Sid's daughter) is the mastermind behind the murders.)

Friday story

3

“Well, Mr. Parker, to be quite honest, I doubt Peter has more than a month in him.” Dr. Reed Richards spoke quietly, standing outside the Parker home on the porch. The doctor was tall and lanky, the man he spoke with stocky and older.

“Damn it.” Ben Parker clenched his fist. “I told his daddy I'd do all I could to see he grew up to be a fine man, and now he won't even have a chance.”

“There's one thing, I think maybe you can try.” Dr. Richards held his hands out as he spoke. “It's a long shot, and not something I would normally suggest, but I just don't see another alternative.”

“What is it? Tell me, I'll do anything. Thirteen is just too young, and I'll be damned if I give up on him now.”

“Lets go in, have a cup of coffee, let your wife hear this too, see what she thinks. 'Dr. Richards suggested.

The three of them gathered around a small dining table set in the cramped kitchen, steaming tin mugs of coffee sat untouched in front of each. May Parker was Ben's wife, fatter and shorter by a fair share than her husband. She spoke after a moment of silence had crept in. “Well doctor? What is it?

“I can't believe I'm going to suggest this, they should really have my license for this, I really-”

Ben cut him off. “With all due respect, get to it.”

“yes, yes, right.” I know of a man, a former colleague of mine, a Doctor Stephen Strange.” Dr. Richards stammered, he looked as though he had begun to sweat, though from the heat in the kitchen due to the preparation of coffee, or from some other factor, it was unsure.
“he left a normal practice, and went with the savages, and devoted himself to the study of the, well, strange arts.”

“Doctor Strange is strange, is what you're saying? Ben growled.


“Well yes, but I think he may be able to help. I keep a correspondence, and I've heard multiple accounts from him of his having healed many, and overcome much that a normal doctor such as myself could never dream of.”

“So, he would do some damned hocus pocus, and my nephew would be healthy?” Ben asked, his voice rising. “That is the absolute dumbest damned shit I've heard from a learned man, and I'll be damned if I don't want to just knock your ass out my door!”

“Ben!” May stood. “I don't believe you! I'm so sorry Doctor!”

Dr. Richards merely raised a hand.

“You're right May. Doctor, I'm sorry.” Ben leaned forward, clamping a hand on Reed's shoulder. “This has just been more than I can handle. Just last year Peter was fit as a fiddle. And now, he's knocking on heaven's door.”

“I understand, Mr. Parker. I do. I just want to try everything we possibly can.”

“Where is this Doctor Strange?” May asked, sitting back down.

“Two days ride from here. It won't be an easy trip for Peter, but it may just be worth it.”

“Okay.” Ben said. Let's try it.

Three nights later found the Parkers and Doctor Richards in the company of Doctor Strange. Reed had been insistent that he go, both to care for Peter on the journey, and perhaps experience one of Strange's miracles first hand. Strange had agreed to help Peter as soon as he had seen him, and was adamant that he be started right away. The day had been one of oddness for everyone but Strange, with salves and lotions rubbed into Peter's chest, he had been hung from a tree by his ankles for exactly two minutes and eleven seconds at a time, and had had his head wrapped in a blanket made of wool for four hours. The final step was the most important, Strange had explained, and would be done in secrecy. So now, Peter, barely on the verge of consciousness after a trying day, lay naked in a tee-pee, and Doctor Strange chanted with closed eyes as he mixed a motion with ingredients from various stone bowls set before him. Across the dirt ground a spider scurried, making for one of the bowls. It used it's impressive abilities to scale the inverted incline and fall over the lip of the bowl into a mixture of crushed berries just as Dr. Strange reached for it. He lifted the bowl to a stone mug and tipped it's contents, including the spider, in without opening his eyes. Using his fingers, he mixed it with the other ingredients, crushing the spider and contaminating the contents. Strange opened his eyes, which were traced with paint, and lifted Peter's head with one hand. He spoke in English now, at the end.

“Let this bring the strength and vitality to the one who needs it.” The mug was tipped, it's contents pushing past Peters lips and down his throat.

Wolverine Vs. Iron Man : Gabey Style

Gabriel and I were playing with super hero action figures a while back. Here is the dramatic retelling.

Wolverine stared across the battlefield at Iron Man. They had been friends once. Not now. With a grimace, he popped his claws, three long harp blades out of the knuckles on each hand. He pointed the right handed claws at Iron Man.

“I'm going to cut through your suit like butter.” Wolverine growled. He jumped forward. Iron Man anticipated this, diving forward at the same time, rising above Wolverine with assistance from the the propulsion system in his boots. He cut the power and came down hard on Wolverine's back.

“No.” Iron man replied in his robotic voice. “I'm going to cut YOUR butter.”

“Wait, what?” Wolverine asked. Iron Man responded with a repulsor ray to the face. Wolverine went flying back.

“I'm going to mess your stuff up!” Ion Man screamed. He flew forward again, not even bothering to hit Wolverine with his fists. He simply bashed his helmeted head into Wolverine's torso. Iron Man stopped the beat down, hovering in the sky. “I wish we should be friends now.” Iron Man said.

“Me too.” Wolverine replied, getting to his feet.

“Let's swing.” Iron Man said, running to the playground they had apparently been fighting next to this whole time.

“I'm going to slide!” Shouted Wolverine, a little to excitedly.

Pirate Joke

A pirate walks into a bar, with a giant steering wheel sticking out of his crotch. Like a big old ships wheel.

The bartender sees him approach and points to the wheel and speaks. “You know you've got a giant steering wheel sticking out of your crotch?”

The pirate nods. “Aye.” He says. “It's driving me nuts.”

I didn't write that myself or anything, but it's a favorite joke of mine. Make sure you read it in your head with a good pirate accent.

I'm reading a Star Wars book that combines Star Wars (duh) with zombies. It's pretty good, but it's one of those cases where I think I'm totally a better writer than the author. He gets to play with zombies in a Star Wars setting. I get to tell people they have to pre-pay on pumps one, two, eleven, and twelve. Not fair. I want to be a writer. I'm working on some short stories, with the plan on maybe just putting them on amazon.com for e-readers. It costs nothing, you can start making money right away and people are starting to get real publishing deals based on what they're putting out themselves.

Ha! you suck!

So I was watching the NCAA Championship Game last night, and towards the end, when Butler is already getting embarrassed they bring up a little fun fact along the bottom of the screen. It turns out, that Butler had the lowest scoring percentage in a championship game EVER. E V E R. And they thought that was a fun little thing to tell you. It made me feel bad for the kids.

What if one year at the Oscars, they were like "Okay, before we tell you the winner of Best Actress, lets tell you who came in last, and can you believe they got the least amount of votes ever in this category? Seriously. Four votes. (I assume they would be talking about Reese Witherspoon.)

So buck up Butler, you may have lost, but you totally dominated losing.

Hodge Podge

I recently re-watched all three Matrix movies over the course of a week. I really really liked them all (I remember not liking the sequels, back in the day.) but now I'm THAT GUY. That dude whose like fake diving in slow motion and shooting guns at people. You know, everyone did it twelve or so yeas ago, when The Matrix first came out, but I'm the only asshole doing it now.

And I don't care.

-Dives sideways, shooting finger guns-

Oh Charlie Sheen, going on tour where you do nothing but stand behind a podium and tell nonsensical stories didn't work out the way you had hoped? Sounded like a fool proof hit to me.

Holy cow, Scream 4 comes out this month. I could not be more excited. I'm definitely going at midnight. Anyone else?

Boners.

Opening day was awesome. Hypothetically. I had to suddenly get work off that day because Kristi had to go to another class in the afternoon, and not because we went to opening day. If we had, it would have been Gabe's first game, and he would have enjoyed it, especially saying Charge! And yelling GO JOEY VOTTO really loud every time he was up to bat. It was awesome. My first ever going to opening day. Hypothetically.

Bengals had Cam Newton over for hot chocolate and cookies. Wait what? Oh, to practice and stuff. Eh, I kinda like it.

Friday Writing Thing

2

The sun hung directly overhead, but try as it might, it just couldn't burn an angry red into the back of James Howletts neck. James was guiding his big black horse through a winding valley with a small pathway that was surrounded by cacti and brambles on each side. He wore a large black hat and black trousers, his chest bare beneath and unbuttoned vest made up of animal skins. Large chops grew down his jawline, and they were heavy with sweat. James pulled quickly on the reigns, and his horse stopped.

“Easy now.” His voice was gruff and low. His nose twitched as he inhaled. “Someone close.” He grunted. He kicked softly, and the horse continued on. Her turned a curve, and halted the horse once more. Sliding one short leg over the horses back, he slipped off his saddle, his booted feet finding purchase easily on the rocky ground. James crouched and moved forward, heading to his left, towards a thick patch of brambles. He stopped, and with a slight tearing sound, three sharp bones pushed out of his fist from between his fingers. On the ground before him, a pair of bare feet could be seen beneath a bush. With his unclawed hand, Logan grabbed the ankles and tugged a man out. He had obviously been sleeping, and shouted as he was pulled out, twisting around on his side.

“What the hell?” The man shouted, pulling from James' grasp and jumping up on his feet. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Easy, bub.” James let his claws find their way back into his hand as he held up his other one, palm outward. The man he had woken had brown hair, to his shoulders and very peculiar eyes. “You a mutant?”

“What's it to you?”

“Well, we have something in common.”

Remy looked down to James as he spoke. “What's the big idea? Disturbing me like that?”

“If I hadn't, the red skins would of. Though they may have already came by and were laughing too hard to do nothing 'bout ya. Not exactly the best hiding place.”

“I wasn't hiding, I was sleeping.” Remy crouched down and felt beneath the bush, pulling his boots out and sitting as he pulled them on.

“Pretty weird place to sleep.” James grinned

“Yeah well, not much of a choice.”

“On the run?”

“Something like dat.”

“Well, I know a place, about four days ride from here, pretty kind to folks like us.”

“Well I ain't got a horse hiding under that bush, so how long to walk?”

“Eight days or so, maybe a little less for a man being chased. Man called Xavier owns a ranch, right up on the outskirts of the county, out near West Chester lake. You know it?”

“The ranch no, the lake yes.” Remy stood

“You go about four miles south, there's a little farm with a few horses in a barn next to it. Take one and make for the lake.”

“That your place?”

“No.” James replied walking back to his horse. “But it's no ones

place now, they took in the wrong drifter, and it cost em.” James kicked his horse in to motion, speaking softly to it “Let's go Logan.” He then spoke to Remy once more. “You watch yourself kid.”

“You too. And thanks.” Remy lifted his hand in parting, and watched James ride away.